Time to Tell: May 2012

I often have to continuously remind myself of where I am now, where I was and where I am going to be. Maybe it's something to do with me starting to loose my mind due to looking at this revision continuously, but maybe it's also because I'm getting slowly more and more distanced from, what I consider to be, my foundations. University is not, as I have mentioned a million times before (most of those million times are probably in my head, admittedly), not what was sold at 6th form. If you're reading this, and are at the stage of deciding whether or not university is something you want to do - do not, for god's sake, go to your school or head of 6th about it. They literally know fuck all, they are there to just continually sell on the concept of education - which all in all is good, and I agree with this - there are far too many unemployed people in this world today that failed to seize the chance of better opportunities when it was offered to them, or bit the hand that tried to help. Those who bite get ASBOs, and are unfortunately the type of people that the education system has to let down, because education isn't about being spoon fed - it's about making something of yourself.

In previous centuries, education in the Western world was for those standing in prestige and honored houses, wanting to continue their family's legacy or even start their own story. Education was a privilege, and not a right. Nowadays, you get waste of space kids who are just there to disrupt it for the others, there to make things so much more difficult then what it should be. Harsh, you may think, calling these kid's a 'waste of space'. You don't know what they have been through, you say, you don't know about their background, family life etc. Tell you what then. Take example of some of my friends at secondary. Some of them didn't have perfect home-lives, and these days, I think you would be hard-struck to find homes that are perfect. But, these friends of mine succeeded, not because the state patted money into their pockets or because they felt like they had to - they chose to. They decided that education was something that could bring them a new aspect. And good for them.

So, back to my rant about what 6th form lets on about university. They don't tell you that you may not get along with your flat mates, they don't tell you about the petty bitching that you will end up with, regardless of where you live. They won't let on that there are SO many hidden costs to university. They tell you the basics (books, going out, food etc). But, what about when your flat destroys the flat? What about when your keys are stolen and you have to be the one to fork out £30. What about the times when you get lost, you are suddenly alone, because you don't feel safe with the people that you've come out with. It puts you into an even worse situation.

I don't remember my head of 6th battering on about the loneliness either. University can be an incredibly lonely place, regardless of what you think. This isn't me crying out for help - I have enough friends here to do with, but none of them will ever be the people back at home. None of them will ever get you, because simply, you've just met them. They haven't grown up with you, they won't understand your certain way about things. Then there's the pack rule - living in a flat, as I do, with 6 or so other people, there becomes a pack hierarchy. So if someone at the bottom does something out of line, it's all hell as broken loose. If it is someone at the top, it slips by. This is life. But it's life being brought into your space, where perhaps you weren't ready for it just yet.

I guess nor do they tell you of how things will become at home either. They don't tell you that the choices you make at university will hurt other people, change how they act around you, and then you're stuck. You don't want to be the one who has to constantly check up on the others, but you also want to get some respect and recognition from the others.

What can I say that my first university year has taught me?
- Don't go for the best accomodation - all the fun happens in the cheaper ones and the people are SO MUCH nicer and social
- Learn to like your own company - only you can sort your life out, stop relying on the parents or others to help you. It isn't for them to sort out anymore.
- Having an open mind is great - but for godsake, don't change yourself for them. They are not worth it. On the occasion that you do meet people that you know you will probably remain friends what you hope is the rest of your days, show them the real you. Because they will only be shocked when you show it half-way down the line.

You know I'm not one to break promises
I don't want to hurt you but I need to breathe
At the end of it all, you're still my best friend
But there's something inside that I need to release
Which way is right, which way is wrong
How do I say that I need to move on
You know we're headed separate ways

And it feels like I am just too close to love you
There's nothing I can really say
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more
Got to be true to myself
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
So I'll be on my way

You've given me more that I can return
Yet there's oh so much that you deserve
There's nothing to say, nothing to do,
I've nothing to give
I must leave without you
You know we're headed separate ways

And it feels like I am just too close to love you
There's nothing I can really say
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more
Got to be true to myself
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
So I'll be on my way

So I'll be on my way

And it feels like I am just too close to love you
There's nothing that I can really say
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more
Got to be true to myself
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
So I'll be on my way

So I'll be on my way
So I'll be on my way

Ciao x x x

It's weird, really, how university is obviously a harder working environment and everything, and that the work load is a lot more difficult to tackle, and yet, here I am, stuck in the flat, which has been over run with a bunch of drunks, and people that I don't really know, making as much noise as humanly possible, while I'm working on this report which is due in this coming Wednesday. Epically annoyed. So annoyed, actually.
Fair enough, it's a Saturday night, and fair enough, this is typically stupid time, but at the end of the day, I could really care less. I don't care if they want to have fun, or if they all pay to be in this apartment, at the end of the day, exam period is fast approaching, and I am desperate to get a few more marks so that I can basically confirm going to Aussie. Why should I have to be subject to a bunch of twats ruining this for me? There are pubs, there are clubs, there are basically OTHER places that they could be, rather than hanging outside my room. Admittedly, yeah, I could move to the IC, but I did that last night, why should I have to go out all the time?
Eugh. So, yes, am just steadily working toward the end of all of this (20 days, cannot get over that's me done as a fresher entirely!) but yeah, I'm not bothered about spending these last few days going out, getting fucked and whatever - maybe I'm not your typical student, I dunno, but hey, my life, I'm not here to live up to the typical notions or expectations. I'll let the lot outside do that part, let's be honest, they're doing it pretty well for the entire student population in Sheffield at the moment.

Why can they not just piss the fuck off?

Time to Tell

Tuesday 29 May 2012

All is said in a day.

Wednesday 23 May 2012

Which Way is Wrong - Which Way is Right?

Saturday 5 May 2012

Evidently not a working environment