I certainly fucking hope it is, otherwise what the fuck are you two doing? I mean, literally, how many times does bitch snake have to bite before you work out it's venomous? Don't really care if you think I'm stupid or whatever. I'm in a different country, I don't think I'm really flinging any feelings to back home anymore. And if I was? Fucked off out the window now. So irritated. Horrendously irritated.
You want to revert back to that? Then, let me revert back. Trust me. It's like riding a bike, only easier because you know the end result.
x x x
Thursday 9 August 2012
Saturday 4 August 2012
Ranting & Raging (sorry)
It's sufficient to say that we are all subject to irritation, depending on what's happening, the situation and the person, some will get annoyed a hell of a lot quicker than others. I get annoyed by small things, but I suppose I get really irritated by a lack of consideration. I think I'm about to have a horrible week, so that would explain the uptight emotion.
I would never expect you to wait. I'd never ask you to. But to say one thing, and to do another? Literally fuck right off. I'm so bored of this, so so so bored. I'd love to say that I don't care but I think that's obviously wrong. But, I think the more ideal thing to say now would be I'm not going back . This is really it.
x x x
I would never expect you to wait. I'd never ask you to. But to say one thing, and to do another? Literally fuck right off. I'm so bored of this, so so so bored. I'd love to say that I don't care but I think that's obviously wrong. But, I think the more ideal thing to say now would be I'm not going back . This is really it.
x x x
Thursday 2 August 2012
Hm...
Is this home sickness? I dunno. It's weird. Sent a parcel home today, and wished I could just go with it.
Looking out from underneath,
Fractured moonlight on the sea
Reflections still look the same to me,
As before I went under.
And it's peaceful in the deep,
Cathedral, where you cannot breathe,
No need to pray, no need to speak
Now I am under, Oh.
And it's breaking over me,
A thousand miles onto the sea bed,
Found the place to rest my head.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Never let me go, never let me go.
And the arms of the ocean are carrying me,
And all this devotion was rushing out of me,
And the crashes are heaven, for a sinner like me,
The arms of the ocean deliver me.
Though the pressure's hard to take,
It's the only way I can escape,
It seems a heavy choice to make,
But now I am under, Oh.
And it's breaking over me,
A thousand miles down to the sea bed,
Found the place to rest my head.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Never let me go, never let me go.
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/f/florence_and_the_machine/never_let_me_go.html ]
And the arms of the ocean are carrying me,
And all this devotion was rushing out of me,
And the crashes are heaven, for a sinner like me,
The arms of the ocean deliver me.
And it's over,
And I'm going under,
But I'm not giving up!
I'm just giving in.
Oh, slipping underneath.
Oh, so cold, but so sweet.
In the arms of the ocean, so sweet and so cold,
And all this devotion I never knew at all,
And the crashes are Heaven, for a sinner released,
And the arms of the ocean,
Deliver me.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Deliver me.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Deliver me.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Never let me go, never let me go.
And it's over,
And I'm goin' under,
But I'm not givin' up!
I'm just givin' in.
Oh, slipping underneath.
Oh, so cold, but so sweet
x x x
Looking out from underneath,
Fractured moonlight on the sea
Reflections still look the same to me,
As before I went under.
And it's peaceful in the deep,
Cathedral, where you cannot breathe,
No need to pray, no need to speak
Now I am under, Oh.
And it's breaking over me,
A thousand miles onto the sea bed,
Found the place to rest my head.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Never let me go, never let me go.
And the arms of the ocean are carrying me,
And all this devotion was rushing out of me,
And the crashes are heaven, for a sinner like me,
The arms of the ocean deliver me.
Though the pressure's hard to take,
It's the only way I can escape,
It seems a heavy choice to make,
But now I am under, Oh.
And it's breaking over me,
A thousand miles down to the sea bed,
Found the place to rest my head.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Never let me go, never let me go.
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/f/florence_and_the_machine/never_let_me_go.html ]
And the arms of the ocean are carrying me,
And all this devotion was rushing out of me,
And the crashes are heaven, for a sinner like me,
The arms of the ocean deliver me.
And it's over,
And I'm going under,
But I'm not giving up!
I'm just giving in.
Oh, slipping underneath.
Oh, so cold, but so sweet.
In the arms of the ocean, so sweet and so cold,
And all this devotion I never knew at all,
And the crashes are Heaven, for a sinner released,
And the arms of the ocean,
Deliver me.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Deliver me.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Deliver me.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Never let me go, never let me go.
And it's over,
And I'm goin' under,
But I'm not givin' up!
I'm just givin' in.
Oh, slipping underneath.
Oh, so cold, but so sweet
x x x
Saturday 28 July 2012
Down Under
Now I'm here and everything :) So far, everything has been okay, got here last Friday morning at 5am and have settled into my college pretty well I think, Currie Hall. Everyone is really nice and they all say hi, I got to meet all of the other international and exchange students too and they're all cool, mostly from Singapore and China but there are a couple of Americans and Germans, so that's cool. I'm living with 3 other girls in a flat, 2 of them are from the UK and the other is from Norway - they're all lovely so that's good :) The two from the UK go to Leeds and Nottingham, so that worked out well! Like having the North in one corridor.
So, just been doing random stuff this week...had disco bowl on Monday (ten pin bowling with lots of music and neon paint), laser tag on Tuesday and then some random stuff in between, that's been cool. Also had orientation at uni too - have enrolled now as a student fully, got my classes and what not. Must email my study abroad advisor actually, which reminds me. Perth as a city is amazing and King's Park is beautiful, can't wait to get up there myself and just walk around looking at everything. I do like it here. And need to keep reminding myself of this.
Do miss home of course, and everyone there. I don't know if I'll ever make as close friends here as I have back at home. It's not the same, we can talk about anything, but it's still on treading stones and what not, and yeah. It's just a case of time, and I know this, but I'm just worried I guess that no one will get me again, like last time. I know I fucked up with my old flat. Thank god I made the two friends I did. To be fair, that sort of fucking up can't happen again, because everyone and everything is so different here. I'm not bothered really about going out and drinking, I don't feel comfortable to. I didn't really when I was in Sheffield. I only feel happy around my lot back in the Cotswolds and stuff, but yeah, I need to get over this.
I guess the thing I miss the most is having those face to face chats with the parents, friends and who ever else, who is just familiar and they know about me. I can see that I will change, both physically and mentally out here, because I just don't feel like I fit in or anything here just yet. Everyone is just so fit and atheletic, so I need to be this too. Everyone is just so chilled out and stuff. I need to be that too. I can't change my face but I know that I can change everything else about me. But I need to do it right this time. Cannot do that again. Hm.
Days like this I want to drive away
Pack my bags and watch your shadow fade
You chewed me up and spit me out
Like I was poison in your mouth
You took my light, you drained me down
But that was then and this is now
Now look at me
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
Throw your sticks and your stones, throw your bombs and your blows
But you’re not gonna break my soul
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
I just wanna throw my phone away
Find out who is really there for me
You ripped me off, your love was cheap
Was always tearing at the seams
I fell deep, you let me down
But that was then and this is now
Now look at me
Now look at me I’m sparkling
A firework, a dancing flame
You won't ever put me out again
I’m glowin’, oh whoa
So you can keep the diamond ring
I never liked it anyway
In fact you can keep everything yeah, yeah
Except for me
This is the part of me
No
Away from me
No
This is the part of me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me...
No
Throw your sticks and your stones, throw your bombs and your blows
But you’re not gonna break my soul
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
So, just been doing random stuff this week...had disco bowl on Monday (ten pin bowling with lots of music and neon paint), laser tag on Tuesday and then some random stuff in between, that's been cool. Also had orientation at uni too - have enrolled now as a student fully, got my classes and what not. Must email my study abroad advisor actually, which reminds me. Perth as a city is amazing and King's Park is beautiful, can't wait to get up there myself and just walk around looking at everything. I do like it here. And need to keep reminding myself of this.
Do miss home of course, and everyone there. I don't know if I'll ever make as close friends here as I have back at home. It's not the same, we can talk about anything, but it's still on treading stones and what not, and yeah. It's just a case of time, and I know this, but I'm just worried I guess that no one will get me again, like last time. I know I fucked up with my old flat. Thank god I made the two friends I did. To be fair, that sort of fucking up can't happen again, because everyone and everything is so different here. I'm not bothered really about going out and drinking, I don't feel comfortable to. I didn't really when I was in Sheffield. I only feel happy around my lot back in the Cotswolds and stuff, but yeah, I need to get over this.
I guess the thing I miss the most is having those face to face chats with the parents, friends and who ever else, who is just familiar and they know about me. I can see that I will change, both physically and mentally out here, because I just don't feel like I fit in or anything here just yet. Everyone is just so fit and atheletic, so I need to be this too. Everyone is just so chilled out and stuff. I need to be that too. I can't change my face but I know that I can change everything else about me. But I need to do it right this time. Cannot do that again. Hm.
Days like this I want to drive away
Pack my bags and watch your shadow fade
You chewed me up and spit me out
Like I was poison in your mouth
You took my light, you drained me down
But that was then and this is now
Now look at me
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
Throw your sticks and your stones, throw your bombs and your blows
But you’re not gonna break my soul
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
I just wanna throw my phone away
Find out who is really there for me
You ripped me off, your love was cheap
Was always tearing at the seams
I fell deep, you let me down
But that was then and this is now
Now look at me
Now look at me I’m sparkling
A firework, a dancing flame
You won't ever put me out again
I’m glowin’, oh whoa
So you can keep the diamond ring
I never liked it anyway
In fact you can keep everything yeah, yeah
Except for me
This is the part of me
No
Away from me
No
This is the part of me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me...
No
Throw your sticks and your stones, throw your bombs and your blows
But you’re not gonna break my soul
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
Monday 9 July 2012
Hypnotised By Drums
So, here we are, a week away from departure. Not going to lie, am absolutely bricking it, but as was said to me earlier this week - it would be weird if I wasn't. So, yeah. Currently by myself at home as everyone else went to the sister's graduation. She's done well for herself, even gotten into King's College for her masters. Very proud. And that's all I'll say on the matter, because my position as little sister really doesn't offer the capacity for being nice. It's unconditional love, she doesn't need anything else from me.
Went to Thorpe Park this weekend - was wicked. See, look, I used a bit of bold there, to emphasise just how awesome it was (and again!) But it was a horrible time of morning to even be up, never the less be driving along the motorway and nevertheless be sat in a queue (well, technically stood). Plus, I hadn't managed much sleep the night before, as I sat and watched Girl With A Dragon Tattoo with the famalam, and for whatever reason, I couldn't get the rape scene out of my head. So yes, I had bum rape on my mind when I went to sleep, like most people do when they head to bed.
Less worried about the bum rape now. Tomorrow, am going in the morning (after getting up at some godforbidden hour yet again to walk the hound) to get my tarot cards read. I'm up for it, because I do have some kind of belief in those sort of things, but really now that I have started to sit and think about it (and will probably go to sleep thinking about it too now), I just wonder if it is going to make me think over things EVEN more than what I already do. Damn, I honestly hate being a worrier, but when I'm not worried, I'm worrying that I should be worrying about something, which means that evidently I have forgotten something and that I'm going to get in trouble for not remembering it and oh god, it goes on. But, I also can't see the harm in it and I'm more than curious to find out what will be said this time (one was given to me when I was younger, you're not meant to have one until your 18, but this was probably a drunken gypsy or something, she said something about someone dying and it happened, gradually, later on, so yeah, intrigued).
My forgetfulness and apparent 'changing mind' is causing issues for people at the moment. Let's just get one thing straight - I am not an elephant (I may be the same size, but looks are deceiving after all) and my memory is nigh on useless. Someone can tell me that we are doing something and unless I'm reminded prior to it happening, I can guarantee that I will forget this. It's not me being rude or 'avoiding' people. I have the memory of a hole ridden sieve (by that, I mean that there are extra holes in the sieve - I am well aware that sieves do have holes in...don't panic). As for 'changing my mind', I never agree to anything, I always, always, always say 'I'll see what I can do' or 'I'll let you know'. And people need to stop thinking that it's just them. Everyone gets it. But then to guilt trip ' 'Oh, I cancelled something for you' or 'We may never see each other again', all that crap...Now, that really doesn't work with me. I already feel bad enough as it is if I have forgotten or if I 'change my mind', don't set out to make it any worse, because in addition to making it worse, it only gets me angry and here we are. Me ranting to strangers.
I suppose it's better than ranting to the ghost that I am now sure is in the house this evening. I keep seeing shadows out of the corner of my eye and they're too big to be the cat or the dog, so yeah. I've shut my bedroom door. They can't get through doors. At least, not my bedroom door. And if they did, well, I'm not the most elegant sleeper, so it would be a backfire situation, because then they would be haunted by seeing me. So, ha. Win for the mortal/alive/non-ghost people.
I'm better, so much better now
I see the lights touch the light?
Were together now
I'm better, so much better now
Look to the sky's
Give me live
Were together now
We've only just begun
Hypnotized by drums
Until forever comes
You'll find us chasing the sun
They said this day wouldn't come
We refused to run
We've only just begun
You'll find us chasing the sun
Went to Thorpe Park this weekend - was wicked. See, look, I used a bit of bold there, to emphasise just how awesome it was (and again!) But it was a horrible time of morning to even be up, never the less be driving along the motorway and nevertheless be sat in a queue (well, technically stood). Plus, I hadn't managed much sleep the night before, as I sat and watched Girl With A Dragon Tattoo with the famalam, and for whatever reason, I couldn't get the rape scene out of my head. So yes, I had bum rape on my mind when I went to sleep, like most people do when they head to bed.
Less worried about the bum rape now. Tomorrow, am going in the morning (after getting up at some godforbidden hour yet again to walk the hound) to get my tarot cards read. I'm up for it, because I do have some kind of belief in those sort of things, but really now that I have started to sit and think about it (and will probably go to sleep thinking about it too now), I just wonder if it is going to make me think over things EVEN more than what I already do. Damn, I honestly hate being a worrier, but when I'm not worried, I'm worrying that I should be worrying about something, which means that evidently I have forgotten something and that I'm going to get in trouble for not remembering it and oh god, it goes on. But, I also can't see the harm in it and I'm more than curious to find out what will be said this time (one was given to me when I was younger, you're not meant to have one until your 18, but this was probably a drunken gypsy or something, she said something about someone dying and it happened, gradually, later on, so yeah, intrigued).
My forgetfulness and apparent 'changing mind' is causing issues for people at the moment. Let's just get one thing straight - I am not an elephant (I may be the same size, but looks are deceiving after all) and my memory is nigh on useless. Someone can tell me that we are doing something and unless I'm reminded prior to it happening, I can guarantee that I will forget this. It's not me being rude or 'avoiding' people. I have the memory of a hole ridden sieve (by that, I mean that there are extra holes in the sieve - I am well aware that sieves do have holes in...don't panic). As for 'changing my mind', I never agree to anything, I always, always, always say 'I'll see what I can do' or 'I'll let you know'. And people need to stop thinking that it's just them. Everyone gets it. But then to guilt trip ' 'Oh, I cancelled something for you' or 'We may never see each other again', all that crap...Now, that really doesn't work with me. I already feel bad enough as it is if I have forgotten or if I 'change my mind', don't set out to make it any worse, because in addition to making it worse, it only gets me angry and here we are. Me ranting to strangers.
I suppose it's better than ranting to the ghost that I am now sure is in the house this evening. I keep seeing shadows out of the corner of my eye and they're too big to be the cat or the dog, so yeah. I've shut my bedroom door. They can't get through doors. At least, not my bedroom door. And if they did, well, I'm not the most elegant sleeper, so it would be a backfire situation, because then they would be haunted by seeing me. So, ha. Win for the mortal/alive/non-ghost people.
I'm better, so much better now
I see the lights touch the light?
Were together now
I'm better, so much better now
Look to the sky's
Give me live
Were together now
We've only just begun
Hypnotized by drums
Until forever comes
You'll find us chasing the sun
They said this day wouldn't come
We refused to run
We've only just begun
You'll find us chasing the sun
Sunday 1 July 2012
Cry, Scream or Laugh?
I blame this thing in my arm, my hormones are all over the place now. Fuck, and now that wonderful time has decided to come into play. I am not having this shit. I'm not having this shit from everyone. If we're all such bitches, then you know what, lets say it to everyone's face, because fuck me, it would make everyone's lives alot easier.
Facebook bitching is immature, bitching behind everyone's back is overrated. I will set the new trend. Let's start saying stuff to people's actual face. Stay with me on this one, I think I may have caught the 300 lb fish here. What, if instead of being coy or fucking anal about it all, why don't we just say when we have a problem?
I suppose me ranting on here isn't exactly supporting my new cause. But, we're not perfect.
When the blood dries in my veins
And my, heart feels no more pain
I know, I'll be on my way
To heaven's door
I know when I knock
I'll be hoping I don't drop
To a place where I will rise, like before
(2x)
I can feel, something happening
That I've never felt before
Hopeless dreaming will start
Dragging me away from heavens door
(2x)
When my mind stops thinking
And my eyes stop blinking
I hope...
Somebody's there
When my heart stops beating
And my lungs stop breathing
In air...
I hope somebody cares
When the blood dries in my veins
And my, heart feels no more pain
I know, I'll be on my way
To heaven's door
I know when I knock
I'll be hoping I don't drop
To a place where I will rise, like before
(2x)
I can feel, something happening
That I've never felt before
Hopeless dreaming will start
Dragging me away from heavens door
When my mind stops thinking
And my eyes stop blinking
I hope...
Somebody's there
When my heart stops beating
And my lungs stop breathing
In air...
I hope somebody cares
When my mind stops thinking
And my eyes stop blinking
I know...
At the end
X X X
Facebook bitching is immature, bitching behind everyone's back is overrated. I will set the new trend. Let's start saying stuff to people's actual face. Stay with me on this one, I think I may have caught the 300 lb fish here. What, if instead of being coy or fucking anal about it all, why don't we just say when we have a problem?
I suppose me ranting on here isn't exactly supporting my new cause. But, we're not perfect.
When the blood dries in my veins
And my, heart feels no more pain
I know, I'll be on my way
To heaven's door
I know when I knock
I'll be hoping I don't drop
To a place where I will rise, like before
(2x)
I can feel, something happening
That I've never felt before
Hopeless dreaming will start
Dragging me away from heavens door
(2x)
When my mind stops thinking
And my eyes stop blinking
I hope...
Somebody's there
When my heart stops beating
And my lungs stop breathing
In air...
I hope somebody cares
When the blood dries in my veins
And my, heart feels no more pain
I know, I'll be on my way
To heaven's door
I know when I knock
I'll be hoping I don't drop
To a place where I will rise, like before
(2x)
I can feel, something happening
That I've never felt before
Hopeless dreaming will start
Dragging me away from heavens door
When my mind stops thinking
And my eyes stop blinking
I hope...
Somebody's there
When my heart stops beating
And my lungs stop breathing
In air...
I hope somebody cares
When my mind stops thinking
And my eyes stop blinking
I know...
At the end
X X X
Thursday 28 June 2012
Just Keep Swimming...Swimming, swimming, swimming, what do we do? We swim, swim swim.
So, yes, swimming appears to be my new outlet for anger. I suppose that it is better than other methods; drinking, smoking intensely or driving hell for leather and screaming along to songs (saying that, I do the latter regardless of the mood).
It's odd. I've mentioned this before, but I can imagine that it is the same for everyone growing up about how changes make us feel unsettled and unfamiliar. But, on the other hand (paw, fin...tail?), there are understandable changes, such as growing up and making a personality more solid, and then there are fuck-out-of-this-world changes that make you reel. I can't actually remember the last time that I felt like this. But, what is like this? Insecure? Angry? Scared? Or is it rejection of what is here? Is it self-rejection? I doubt it. I'm really hoping that it isn't anyway. I hope that things just progress out of this one mannerism and into another. Reserved to...well, frankly just selling yourself short? That's a change in someone that I wasn't expecting. Nor was I expecting to be branded as 'not really bothering'...
Well, fuck me. I apologise horrendously for having a job.
This is love for the beats
Steal it in the streets
Love for the melody, no song is cheap
The dope crusader, funky terminator
I created me a rocker just so we could rock it later
And the wait up beat is knocking
Got me feeling, alright, cause the dj got me walking on a steeler
I got a rocket full of gold, mami's just gold
I fill it up and love it, and then I watch it explode
If you love it like I love it
And you feel what I feel inside
If you want it like I want it
Then baby let's get it tonight
If you feel it, say hell yeah (hell yeah)
Say hell yeah (hell yeah)
Say hell yeah (hell yeah)
This is love, this is love, this is love
x x x
It's odd. I've mentioned this before, but I can imagine that it is the same for everyone growing up about how changes make us feel unsettled and unfamiliar. But, on the other hand (paw, fin...tail?), there are understandable changes, such as growing up and making a personality more solid, and then there are fuck-out-of-this-world changes that make you reel. I can't actually remember the last time that I felt like this. But, what is like this? Insecure? Angry? Scared? Or is it rejection of what is here? Is it self-rejection? I doubt it. I'm really hoping that it isn't anyway. I hope that things just progress out of this one mannerism and into another. Reserved to...well, frankly just selling yourself short? That's a change in someone that I wasn't expecting. Nor was I expecting to be branded as 'not really bothering'...
Well, fuck me. I apologise horrendously for having a job.
This is love for the beats
Steal it in the streets
Love for the melody, no song is cheap
The dope crusader, funky terminator
I created me a rocker just so we could rock it later
And the wait up beat is knocking
Got me feeling, alright, cause the dj got me walking on a steeler
I got a rocket full of gold, mami's just gold
I fill it up and love it, and then I watch it explode
If you love it like I love it
And you feel what I feel inside
If you want it like I want it
Then baby let's get it tonight
If you feel it, say hell yeah (hell yeah)
Say hell yeah (hell yeah)
Say hell yeah (hell yeah)
This is love, this is love, this is love
x x x
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