I certainly fucking hope it is, otherwise what the fuck are you two doing? I mean, literally, how many times does bitch snake have to bite before you work out it's venomous? Don't really care if you think I'm stupid or whatever. I'm in a different country, I don't think I'm really flinging any feelings to back home anymore. And if I was? Fucked off out the window now. So irritated. Horrendously irritated.
You want to revert back to that? Then, let me revert back. Trust me. It's like riding a bike, only easier because you know the end result.
x x x
Thursday, 9 August 2012
Saturday, 4 August 2012
Ranting & Raging (sorry)
It's sufficient to say that we are all subject to irritation, depending on what's happening, the situation and the person, some will get annoyed a hell of a lot quicker than others. I get annoyed by small things, but I suppose I get really irritated by a lack of consideration. I think I'm about to have a horrible week, so that would explain the uptight emotion.
I would never expect you to wait. I'd never ask you to. But to say one thing, and to do another? Literally fuck right off. I'm so bored of this, so so so bored. I'd love to say that I don't care but I think that's obviously wrong. But, I think the more ideal thing to say now would be I'm not going back . This is really it.
x x x
I would never expect you to wait. I'd never ask you to. But to say one thing, and to do another? Literally fuck right off. I'm so bored of this, so so so bored. I'd love to say that I don't care but I think that's obviously wrong. But, I think the more ideal thing to say now would be I'm not going back . This is really it.
x x x
Thursday, 2 August 2012
Hm...
Is this home sickness? I dunno. It's weird. Sent a parcel home today, and wished I could just go with it.
Looking out from underneath,
Fractured moonlight on the sea
Reflections still look the same to me,
As before I went under.
And it's peaceful in the deep,
Cathedral, where you cannot breathe,
No need to pray, no need to speak
Now I am under, Oh.
And it's breaking over me,
A thousand miles onto the sea bed,
Found the place to rest my head.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Never let me go, never let me go.
And the arms of the ocean are carrying me,
And all this devotion was rushing out of me,
And the crashes are heaven, for a sinner like me,
The arms of the ocean deliver me.
Though the pressure's hard to take,
It's the only way I can escape,
It seems a heavy choice to make,
But now I am under, Oh.
And it's breaking over me,
A thousand miles down to the sea bed,
Found the place to rest my head.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Never let me go, never let me go.
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/f/florence_and_the_machine/never_let_me_go.html ]
And the arms of the ocean are carrying me,
And all this devotion was rushing out of me,
And the crashes are heaven, for a sinner like me,
The arms of the ocean deliver me.
And it's over,
And I'm going under,
But I'm not giving up!
I'm just giving in.
Oh, slipping underneath.
Oh, so cold, but so sweet.
In the arms of the ocean, so sweet and so cold,
And all this devotion I never knew at all,
And the crashes are Heaven, for a sinner released,
And the arms of the ocean,
Deliver me.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Deliver me.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Deliver me.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Never let me go, never let me go.
And it's over,
And I'm goin' under,
But I'm not givin' up!
I'm just givin' in.
Oh, slipping underneath.
Oh, so cold, but so sweet
x x x
Looking out from underneath,
Fractured moonlight on the sea
Reflections still look the same to me,
As before I went under.
And it's peaceful in the deep,
Cathedral, where you cannot breathe,
No need to pray, no need to speak
Now I am under, Oh.
And it's breaking over me,
A thousand miles onto the sea bed,
Found the place to rest my head.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Never let me go, never let me go.
And the arms of the ocean are carrying me,
And all this devotion was rushing out of me,
And the crashes are heaven, for a sinner like me,
The arms of the ocean deliver me.
Though the pressure's hard to take,
It's the only way I can escape,
It seems a heavy choice to make,
But now I am under, Oh.
And it's breaking over me,
A thousand miles down to the sea bed,
Found the place to rest my head.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Never let me go, never let me go.
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/f/florence_and_the_machine/never_let_me_go.html ]
And the arms of the ocean are carrying me,
And all this devotion was rushing out of me,
And the crashes are heaven, for a sinner like me,
The arms of the ocean deliver me.
And it's over,
And I'm going under,
But I'm not giving up!
I'm just giving in.
Oh, slipping underneath.
Oh, so cold, but so sweet.
In the arms of the ocean, so sweet and so cold,
And all this devotion I never knew at all,
And the crashes are Heaven, for a sinner released,
And the arms of the ocean,
Deliver me.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Deliver me.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Deliver me.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Never let me go, never let me go.
Never let me go, never let me go.
And it's over,
And I'm goin' under,
But I'm not givin' up!
I'm just givin' in.
Oh, slipping underneath.
Oh, so cold, but so sweet
x x x
Saturday, 28 July 2012
Down Under
Now I'm here and everything :) So far, everything has been okay, got here last Friday morning at 5am and have settled into my college pretty well I think, Currie Hall. Everyone is really nice and they all say hi, I got to meet all of the other international and exchange students too and they're all cool, mostly from Singapore and China but there are a couple of Americans and Germans, so that's cool. I'm living with 3 other girls in a flat, 2 of them are from the UK and the other is from Norway - they're all lovely so that's good :) The two from the UK go to Leeds and Nottingham, so that worked out well! Like having the North in one corridor.
So, just been doing random stuff this week...had disco bowl on Monday (ten pin bowling with lots of music and neon paint), laser tag on Tuesday and then some random stuff in between, that's been cool. Also had orientation at uni too - have enrolled now as a student fully, got my classes and what not. Must email my study abroad advisor actually, which reminds me. Perth as a city is amazing and King's Park is beautiful, can't wait to get up there myself and just walk around looking at everything. I do like it here. And need to keep reminding myself of this.
Do miss home of course, and everyone there. I don't know if I'll ever make as close friends here as I have back at home. It's not the same, we can talk about anything, but it's still on treading stones and what not, and yeah. It's just a case of time, and I know this, but I'm just worried I guess that no one will get me again, like last time. I know I fucked up with my old flat. Thank god I made the two friends I did. To be fair, that sort of fucking up can't happen again, because everyone and everything is so different here. I'm not bothered really about going out and drinking, I don't feel comfortable to. I didn't really when I was in Sheffield. I only feel happy around my lot back in the Cotswolds and stuff, but yeah, I need to get over this.
I guess the thing I miss the most is having those face to face chats with the parents, friends and who ever else, who is just familiar and they know about me. I can see that I will change, both physically and mentally out here, because I just don't feel like I fit in or anything here just yet. Everyone is just so fit and atheletic, so I need to be this too. Everyone is just so chilled out and stuff. I need to be that too. I can't change my face but I know that I can change everything else about me. But I need to do it right this time. Cannot do that again. Hm.
Days like this I want to drive away
Pack my bags and watch your shadow fade
You chewed me up and spit me out
Like I was poison in your mouth
You took my light, you drained me down
But that was then and this is now
Now look at me
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
Throw your sticks and your stones, throw your bombs and your blows
But you’re not gonna break my soul
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
I just wanna throw my phone away
Find out who is really there for me
You ripped me off, your love was cheap
Was always tearing at the seams
I fell deep, you let me down
But that was then and this is now
Now look at me
Now look at me I’m sparkling
A firework, a dancing flame
You won't ever put me out again
I’m glowin’, oh whoa
So you can keep the diamond ring
I never liked it anyway
In fact you can keep everything yeah, yeah
Except for me
This is the part of me
No
Away from me
No
This is the part of me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me...
No
Throw your sticks and your stones, throw your bombs and your blows
But you’re not gonna break my soul
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
So, just been doing random stuff this week...had disco bowl on Monday (ten pin bowling with lots of music and neon paint), laser tag on Tuesday and then some random stuff in between, that's been cool. Also had orientation at uni too - have enrolled now as a student fully, got my classes and what not. Must email my study abroad advisor actually, which reminds me. Perth as a city is amazing and King's Park is beautiful, can't wait to get up there myself and just walk around looking at everything. I do like it here. And need to keep reminding myself of this.
Do miss home of course, and everyone there. I don't know if I'll ever make as close friends here as I have back at home. It's not the same, we can talk about anything, but it's still on treading stones and what not, and yeah. It's just a case of time, and I know this, but I'm just worried I guess that no one will get me again, like last time. I know I fucked up with my old flat. Thank god I made the two friends I did. To be fair, that sort of fucking up can't happen again, because everyone and everything is so different here. I'm not bothered really about going out and drinking, I don't feel comfortable to. I didn't really when I was in Sheffield. I only feel happy around my lot back in the Cotswolds and stuff, but yeah, I need to get over this.
I guess the thing I miss the most is having those face to face chats with the parents, friends and who ever else, who is just familiar and they know about me. I can see that I will change, both physically and mentally out here, because I just don't feel like I fit in or anything here just yet. Everyone is just so fit and atheletic, so I need to be this too. Everyone is just so chilled out and stuff. I need to be that too. I can't change my face but I know that I can change everything else about me. But I need to do it right this time. Cannot do that again. Hm.
Days like this I want to drive away
Pack my bags and watch your shadow fade
You chewed me up and spit me out
Like I was poison in your mouth
You took my light, you drained me down
But that was then and this is now
Now look at me
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
Throw your sticks and your stones, throw your bombs and your blows
But you’re not gonna break my soul
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
I just wanna throw my phone away
Find out who is really there for me
You ripped me off, your love was cheap
Was always tearing at the seams
I fell deep, you let me down
But that was then and this is now
Now look at me
Now look at me I’m sparkling
A firework, a dancing flame
You won't ever put me out again
I’m glowin’, oh whoa
So you can keep the diamond ring
I never liked it anyway
In fact you can keep everything yeah, yeah
Except for me
This is the part of me
No
Away from me
No
This is the part of me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me...
No
Throw your sticks and your stones, throw your bombs and your blows
But you’re not gonna break my soul
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
Monday, 9 July 2012
Hypnotised By Drums
So, here we are, a week away from departure. Not going to lie, am absolutely bricking it, but as was said to me earlier this week - it would be weird if I wasn't. So, yeah. Currently by myself at home as everyone else went to the sister's graduation. She's done well for herself, even gotten into King's College for her masters. Very proud. And that's all I'll say on the matter, because my position as little sister really doesn't offer the capacity for being nice. It's unconditional love, she doesn't need anything else from me.
Went to Thorpe Park this weekend - was wicked. See, look, I used a bit of bold there, to emphasise just how awesome it was (and again!) But it was a horrible time of morning to even be up, never the less be driving along the motorway and nevertheless be sat in a queue (well, technically stood). Plus, I hadn't managed much sleep the night before, as I sat and watched Girl With A Dragon Tattoo with the famalam, and for whatever reason, I couldn't get the rape scene out of my head. So yes, I had bum rape on my mind when I went to sleep, like most people do when they head to bed.
Less worried about the bum rape now. Tomorrow, am going in the morning (after getting up at some godforbidden hour yet again to walk the hound) to get my tarot cards read. I'm up for it, because I do have some kind of belief in those sort of things, but really now that I have started to sit and think about it (and will probably go to sleep thinking about it too now), I just wonder if it is going to make me think over things EVEN more than what I already do. Damn, I honestly hate being a worrier, but when I'm not worried, I'm worrying that I should be worrying about something, which means that evidently I have forgotten something and that I'm going to get in trouble for not remembering it and oh god, it goes on. But, I also can't see the harm in it and I'm more than curious to find out what will be said this time (one was given to me when I was younger, you're not meant to have one until your 18, but this was probably a drunken gypsy or something, she said something about someone dying and it happened, gradually, later on, so yeah, intrigued).
My forgetfulness and apparent 'changing mind' is causing issues for people at the moment. Let's just get one thing straight - I am not an elephant (I may be the same size, but looks are deceiving after all) and my memory is nigh on useless. Someone can tell me that we are doing something and unless I'm reminded prior to it happening, I can guarantee that I will forget this. It's not me being rude or 'avoiding' people. I have the memory of a hole ridden sieve (by that, I mean that there are extra holes in the sieve - I am well aware that sieves do have holes in...don't panic). As for 'changing my mind', I never agree to anything, I always, always, always say 'I'll see what I can do' or 'I'll let you know'. And people need to stop thinking that it's just them. Everyone gets it. But then to guilt trip ' 'Oh, I cancelled something for you' or 'We may never see each other again', all that crap...Now, that really doesn't work with me. I already feel bad enough as it is if I have forgotten or if I 'change my mind', don't set out to make it any worse, because in addition to making it worse, it only gets me angry and here we are. Me ranting to strangers.
I suppose it's better than ranting to the ghost that I am now sure is in the house this evening. I keep seeing shadows out of the corner of my eye and they're too big to be the cat or the dog, so yeah. I've shut my bedroom door. They can't get through doors. At least, not my bedroom door. And if they did, well, I'm not the most elegant sleeper, so it would be a backfire situation, because then they would be haunted by seeing me. So, ha. Win for the mortal/alive/non-ghost people.
I'm better, so much better now
I see the lights touch the light?
Were together now
I'm better, so much better now
Look to the sky's
Give me live
Were together now
We've only just begun
Hypnotized by drums
Until forever comes
You'll find us chasing the sun
They said this day wouldn't come
We refused to run
We've only just begun
You'll find us chasing the sun
Went to Thorpe Park this weekend - was wicked. See, look, I used a bit of bold there, to emphasise just how awesome it was (and again!) But it was a horrible time of morning to even be up, never the less be driving along the motorway and nevertheless be sat in a queue (well, technically stood). Plus, I hadn't managed much sleep the night before, as I sat and watched Girl With A Dragon Tattoo with the famalam, and for whatever reason, I couldn't get the rape scene out of my head. So yes, I had bum rape on my mind when I went to sleep, like most people do when they head to bed.
Less worried about the bum rape now. Tomorrow, am going in the morning (after getting up at some godforbidden hour yet again to walk the hound) to get my tarot cards read. I'm up for it, because I do have some kind of belief in those sort of things, but really now that I have started to sit and think about it (and will probably go to sleep thinking about it too now), I just wonder if it is going to make me think over things EVEN more than what I already do. Damn, I honestly hate being a worrier, but when I'm not worried, I'm worrying that I should be worrying about something, which means that evidently I have forgotten something and that I'm going to get in trouble for not remembering it and oh god, it goes on. But, I also can't see the harm in it and I'm more than curious to find out what will be said this time (one was given to me when I was younger, you're not meant to have one until your 18, but this was probably a drunken gypsy or something, she said something about someone dying and it happened, gradually, later on, so yeah, intrigued).
My forgetfulness and apparent 'changing mind' is causing issues for people at the moment. Let's just get one thing straight - I am not an elephant (I may be the same size, but looks are deceiving after all) and my memory is nigh on useless. Someone can tell me that we are doing something and unless I'm reminded prior to it happening, I can guarantee that I will forget this. It's not me being rude or 'avoiding' people. I have the memory of a hole ridden sieve (by that, I mean that there are extra holes in the sieve - I am well aware that sieves do have holes in...don't panic). As for 'changing my mind', I never agree to anything, I always, always, always say 'I'll see what I can do' or 'I'll let you know'. And people need to stop thinking that it's just them. Everyone gets it. But then to guilt trip ' 'Oh, I cancelled something for you' or 'We may never see each other again', all that crap...Now, that really doesn't work with me. I already feel bad enough as it is if I have forgotten or if I 'change my mind', don't set out to make it any worse, because in addition to making it worse, it only gets me angry and here we are. Me ranting to strangers.
I suppose it's better than ranting to the ghost that I am now sure is in the house this evening. I keep seeing shadows out of the corner of my eye and they're too big to be the cat or the dog, so yeah. I've shut my bedroom door. They can't get through doors. At least, not my bedroom door. And if they did, well, I'm not the most elegant sleeper, so it would be a backfire situation, because then they would be haunted by seeing me. So, ha. Win for the mortal/alive/non-ghost people.
I'm better, so much better now
I see the lights touch the light?
Were together now
I'm better, so much better now
Look to the sky's
Give me live
Were together now
We've only just begun
Hypnotized by drums
Until forever comes
You'll find us chasing the sun
They said this day wouldn't come
We refused to run
We've only just begun
You'll find us chasing the sun
Sunday, 1 July 2012
Cry, Scream or Laugh?
I blame this thing in my arm, my hormones are all over the place now. Fuck, and now that wonderful time has decided to come into play. I am not having this shit. I'm not having this shit from everyone. If we're all such bitches, then you know what, lets say it to everyone's face, because fuck me, it would make everyone's lives alot easier.
Facebook bitching is immature, bitching behind everyone's back is overrated. I will set the new trend. Let's start saying stuff to people's actual face. Stay with me on this one, I think I may have caught the 300 lb fish here. What, if instead of being coy or fucking anal about it all, why don't we just say when we have a problem?
I suppose me ranting on here isn't exactly supporting my new cause. But, we're not perfect.
When the blood dries in my veins
And my, heart feels no more pain
I know, I'll be on my way
To heaven's door
I know when I knock
I'll be hoping I don't drop
To a place where I will rise, like before
(2x)
I can feel, something happening
That I've never felt before
Hopeless dreaming will start
Dragging me away from heavens door
(2x)
When my mind stops thinking
And my eyes stop blinking
I hope...
Somebody's there
When my heart stops beating
And my lungs stop breathing
In air...
I hope somebody cares
When the blood dries in my veins
And my, heart feels no more pain
I know, I'll be on my way
To heaven's door
I know when I knock
I'll be hoping I don't drop
To a place where I will rise, like before
(2x)
I can feel, something happening
That I've never felt before
Hopeless dreaming will start
Dragging me away from heavens door
When my mind stops thinking
And my eyes stop blinking
I hope...
Somebody's there
When my heart stops beating
And my lungs stop breathing
In air...
I hope somebody cares
When my mind stops thinking
And my eyes stop blinking
I know...
At the end
X X X
Facebook bitching is immature, bitching behind everyone's back is overrated. I will set the new trend. Let's start saying stuff to people's actual face. Stay with me on this one, I think I may have caught the 300 lb fish here. What, if instead of being coy or fucking anal about it all, why don't we just say when we have a problem?
I suppose me ranting on here isn't exactly supporting my new cause. But, we're not perfect.
When the blood dries in my veins
And my, heart feels no more pain
I know, I'll be on my way
To heaven's door
I know when I knock
I'll be hoping I don't drop
To a place where I will rise, like before
(2x)
I can feel, something happening
That I've never felt before
Hopeless dreaming will start
Dragging me away from heavens door
(2x)
When my mind stops thinking
And my eyes stop blinking
I hope...
Somebody's there
When my heart stops beating
And my lungs stop breathing
In air...
I hope somebody cares
When the blood dries in my veins
And my, heart feels no more pain
I know, I'll be on my way
To heaven's door
I know when I knock
I'll be hoping I don't drop
To a place where I will rise, like before
(2x)
I can feel, something happening
That I've never felt before
Hopeless dreaming will start
Dragging me away from heavens door
When my mind stops thinking
And my eyes stop blinking
I hope...
Somebody's there
When my heart stops beating
And my lungs stop breathing
In air...
I hope somebody cares
When my mind stops thinking
And my eyes stop blinking
I know...
At the end
X X X
Thursday, 28 June 2012
Just Keep Swimming...Swimming, swimming, swimming, what do we do? We swim, swim swim.
So, yes, swimming appears to be my new outlet for anger. I suppose that it is better than other methods; drinking, smoking intensely or driving hell for leather and screaming along to songs (saying that, I do the latter regardless of the mood).
It's odd. I've mentioned this before, but I can imagine that it is the same for everyone growing up about how changes make us feel unsettled and unfamiliar. But, on the other hand (paw, fin...tail?), there are understandable changes, such as growing up and making a personality more solid, and then there are fuck-out-of-this-world changes that make you reel. I can't actually remember the last time that I felt like this. But, what is like this? Insecure? Angry? Scared? Or is it rejection of what is here? Is it self-rejection? I doubt it. I'm really hoping that it isn't anyway. I hope that things just progress out of this one mannerism and into another. Reserved to...well, frankly just selling yourself short? That's a change in someone that I wasn't expecting. Nor was I expecting to be branded as 'not really bothering'...
Well, fuck me. I apologise horrendously for having a job.
This is love for the beats
Steal it in the streets
Love for the melody, no song is cheap
The dope crusader, funky terminator
I created me a rocker just so we could rock it later
And the wait up beat is knocking
Got me feeling, alright, cause the dj got me walking on a steeler
I got a rocket full of gold, mami's just gold
I fill it up and love it, and then I watch it explode
If you love it like I love it
And you feel what I feel inside
If you want it like I want it
Then baby let's get it tonight
If you feel it, say hell yeah (hell yeah)
Say hell yeah (hell yeah)
Say hell yeah (hell yeah)
This is love, this is love, this is love
x x x
It's odd. I've mentioned this before, but I can imagine that it is the same for everyone growing up about how changes make us feel unsettled and unfamiliar. But, on the other hand (paw, fin...tail?), there are understandable changes, such as growing up and making a personality more solid, and then there are fuck-out-of-this-world changes that make you reel. I can't actually remember the last time that I felt like this. But, what is like this? Insecure? Angry? Scared? Or is it rejection of what is here? Is it self-rejection? I doubt it. I'm really hoping that it isn't anyway. I hope that things just progress out of this one mannerism and into another. Reserved to...well, frankly just selling yourself short? That's a change in someone that I wasn't expecting. Nor was I expecting to be branded as 'not really bothering'...
Well, fuck me. I apologise horrendously for having a job.
This is love for the beats
Steal it in the streets
Love for the melody, no song is cheap
The dope crusader, funky terminator
I created me a rocker just so we could rock it later
And the wait up beat is knocking
Got me feeling, alright, cause the dj got me walking on a steeler
I got a rocket full of gold, mami's just gold
I fill it up and love it, and then I watch it explode
If you love it like I love it
And you feel what I feel inside
If you want it like I want it
Then baby let's get it tonight
If you feel it, say hell yeah (hell yeah)
Say hell yeah (hell yeah)
Say hell yeah (hell yeah)
This is love, this is love, this is love
x x x
Sunday, 17 June 2012
If You Wanna Go and Take A Ride With Me....
So, overall a good night last night - aside from loosing the phone obviously - oops. Hopefully getting a new one sorted for tomorrow and stuff. But ah well, I'm losing it in a few weeks anyway when I go to Aus, so I can't really complain now, can I?
I admit things that I really shouldn't. If its the past that is creeping up on me, or the present hauntings, I need to shut up. Sorry.
No lyrics today, just a video:
x x x
I admit things that I really shouldn't. If its the past that is creeping up on me, or the present hauntings, I need to shut up. Sorry.
No lyrics today, just a video:
Friday, 15 June 2012
Gonna Get Louder
So, what has occurred? First off, I am now the proud owner of a MacBook - love this little machine! For the first time in over 3 years, I can actually listen to my music and what not without either waiting for 50 minutes for iTunes to come to life, or to plug in an external hard-drive :) Yay! Okay, so it is £40 per month, and yes, it is probably money that I don't have, but oh well...
Grand soeur is home. Joy.
Sara comes home tomorrow from Germany for a week. That is good...Though no idea about how tomorrow night is going to work...Me thinks that I will be doing some driving tomorrow...*sigh* I'm not the average student. And even better, I don't really have any clothes to wear for it either. Then I am skint. Don't get paid til 2 weeks Friday...Which is today.
Good news - Derek Landy is going to be in Perth when I am there :D YAYYY! Really hoping that I get to see him.
There's a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch, it's bringing me out the dark
Finally I can see you crystal clear
Go 'head and sell me out and I'll lay your ship [shit] bare
See how I leave with every piece of you
Don't underestimate the things that I will do
There's a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch
And it's bringing me out the dark
The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling
We could have had it all
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
And you played it, to the beat
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
Baby, I have no story to be told
But I've heard one on you
And I'm gonna make your head burn
Think of me in the depths of your despair
Make a home down there
As mine sure won't be shared
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
The scars of your love remind me of us
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
I can't help feeling
We could have had it all
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
And you played it, to the beat
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside of your hand
But you played it, with a beating
Throw your soul through every open door (woah)
Count your blessings to find what you look for (woah)
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold (woah)
You'll pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow (woah)
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
We could have had it all
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
We could have had it all
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
It all, it all, it all
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
We could have had it all
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
And you played it to the beat
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
We could have had it all
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
But you played it
You played it
You played it
You played it to the beat.
X X X
Grand soeur is home. Joy.
Sara comes home tomorrow from Germany for a week. That is good...Though no idea about how tomorrow night is going to work...Me thinks that I will be doing some driving tomorrow...*sigh* I'm not the average student. And even better, I don't really have any clothes to wear for it either. Then I am skint. Don't get paid til 2 weeks Friday...Which is today.
Good news - Derek Landy is going to be in Perth when I am there :D YAYYY! Really hoping that I get to see him.
There's a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch, it's bringing me out the dark
Finally I can see you crystal clear
Go 'head and sell me out and I'll lay your ship [shit] bare
See how I leave with every piece of you
Don't underestimate the things that I will do
There's a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch
And it's bringing me out the dark
The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can't help feeling
We could have had it all
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
And you played it, to the beat
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
Baby, I have no story to be told
But I've heard one on you
And I'm gonna make your head burn
Think of me in the depths of your despair
Make a home down there
As mine sure won't be shared
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
The scars of your love remind me of us
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
I can't help feeling
We could have had it all
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
And you played it, to the beat
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside of your hand
But you played it, with a beating
Throw your soul through every open door (woah)
Count your blessings to find what you look for (woah)
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold (woah)
You'll pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow (woah)
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
We could have had it all
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
We could have had it all
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
It all, it all, it all
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
We could have had it all
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
And you played it to the beat
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
We could have had it all
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
Rolling in the deep
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)
You had my heart inside of your hand
(You're gonna wish you never had met me)
But you played it
You played it
You played it
You played it to the beat.
X X X
Thursday, 7 June 2012
Some Daughter That I Used To Know
Well, it's all very well saying 'We don't see you, we don't see you, you're always out, you're hardly ever here' but at the end of the day, I didn't get to see my friends back home much while I was at Uni aaand I come home everyday from work, a sitting down job, and I do not want to sit down, again, and watch TV, again, with you. DO SOMETHING ELSE! I know I'm off to Aussie but for crying out loud, actually come out and do something with me.
Okay, I will give you that I said I would help out tomorrow - but which would I rather do, ice skating...or emptying out the van...ice skating...or emptying out the van. Oh yes, very much a tough one. I still offered to help. But no. I am the shit daughter. Bah. Australia soon.
I thought I knew what I could take
Till the day I met you
You gave me something I never knew I needed
I owe my thanks to you
Now I'm here to preach your gospel
So simple it’s insane
And you told me that real pleasure
Don't mean nothing without pain
I thought I knew what I could take
Till the day I met you
You gave me something I never knew I needed
I owe my thanks to you
Now I'm here to preach your gospel
So simple it’s insane
And you told me that real pleasure
Don't mean nothing without pain
Okay, I will give you that I said I would help out tomorrow - but which would I rather do, ice skating...or emptying out the van...ice skating...or emptying out the van. Oh yes, very much a tough one. I still offered to help. But no. I am the shit daughter. Bah. Australia soon.
I thought I knew what I could take
Till the day I met you
You gave me something I never knew I needed
I owe my thanks to you
Now I'm here to preach your gospel
So simple it’s insane
And you told me that real pleasure
Don't mean nothing without pain
I thought I knew what I could take
Till the day I met you
You gave me something I never knew I needed
I owe my thanks to you
Now I'm here to preach your gospel
So simple it’s insane
And you told me that real pleasure
Don't mean nothing without pain
xxx x x
Wednesday, 6 June 2012
Cycles
No, I am not referring to the bicycle kind (of which I fail at, especially going down big hills that lead onto very busy main roads and coming to the horrific realization that my bike, in fact, does not have operational breaks) nor am I referring to the cycle of water throughout the atmosphere...Though, I could draw you a fuck off diagram... No, I refer to the cycle of events that everyone has in their lives. This may be the dieting cycle, loosing weight, being happy, eating, putting on weight, being sad, loosing weight, being happy...Or the dating cycle... getting with a person, liking that person, hooking up with said person, said person cheats, sad, getting with a person to get over other said person, liking new person... Nah, I'm referring to the situation cycle...Which I now have a horrendous habit, or notion, of being the Queen of. I'm actually fed up. Bring on Australia. Actually, bring on the afterlife, where I will become a tree and I will be a fuck off tree that just chills and enjoys just being a tree. Bring on reincarnation, damn it!
I return to Sheffield next week - leaving the otters to mingle, the ducks to quack and the ferrets to frolic.
I want to be skinny again. I don't care if I was miserable. At least I was thin. Eugh.
Stick to what you have - stop toying with the past that you know is always there. I managed it. Why can't you?
I took a walk around the world to
Ease my troubled mind
I left my body lying somewhere
In the sands of time
I watched the world float to the dark
Side of the moon
I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah
I watched the world float to the
Dark side of the moon
After all I knew it had to be something
To do with you
I really don't mind what happens now and then
As long as you'll be my friend at the end
If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I'm alive and well, will you be
There holding my hand
I'll keep you by my side with
My superhuman might
Kryptonite
You called me strong, you called me weak
But still your secrets I will keep
You took for granted all the times I
Never let you down
You stumbled in and bumped your head, if
Not for me then you'd be dead
I picked you up and put you back
On solid ground
x x x
I return to Sheffield next week - leaving the otters to mingle, the ducks to quack and the ferrets to frolic.
I want to be skinny again. I don't care if I was miserable. At least I was thin. Eugh.
Stick to what you have - stop toying with the past that you know is always there. I managed it. Why can't you?
I took a walk around the world to
Ease my troubled mind
I left my body lying somewhere
In the sands of time
I watched the world float to the dark
Side of the moon
I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah
I watched the world float to the
Dark side of the moon
After all I knew it had to be something
To do with you
I really don't mind what happens now and then
As long as you'll be my friend at the end
If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I'm alive and well, will you be
There holding my hand
I'll keep you by my side with
My superhuman might
Kryptonite
You called me strong, you called me weak
But still your secrets I will keep
You took for granted all the times I
Never let you down
You stumbled in and bumped your head, if
Not for me then you'd be dead
I picked you up and put you back
On solid ground
x x x
Tuesday, 5 June 2012
I Don't Want The World To See Me
I think it is practically impossible to be a perfect friend. Annoyed, yes, that it took me this long to work out, and yes, probably should come under the common sense category, but hey, here we are. So, in what sort of grouping/headings form the ideal 'perfect friend'?
1. GOOD LISTENER
Always knowing that you can turn to someone when life is raping you up the arse with lemons is always a fair shout, or just someone who understands you and your sort of mental capacity is pretty handy. I mean, there are some of us who if we started talking to some people about the way that we think and tick, people would be calling up the men in white coats and fearing for their lives, so there will always pretty much be someone who can sort of relate to you as much as they really want to. But, just because they are a good listener doesn't mean that they are a shit talker (don't know if that really makes any sense, but seeing as the likelihood of this page going global is about as likely as me being a size 0, I'm not all that fussed). In fact, personal experience would say that those who are good to confide in are flawed in their shit capacity to actually retain information, and just blurt it out to whoever or whatever. We're all guilty of it, obviously. I mean, someone may have mentioned something, you mention it to someone else and then it goes ballistic. It won't be anything major, like 'I've secretly got a penis', it'll be something really trivial and then it turns into some mass murder scene.
(Sorry, slight break, just trying to find this paying-in book, not going all too well...reeeally would quite like to bank this money and get these flights booked...asap)
2. ALWAYS THERE
Well, in some ways this can tie in with numero uno, but I see it in different ways. So, again, we're in the predicament of life being a complete twat, and you know that you can call someone up and they will come to you or (more often in my case) you go to them for comfort. Well, no. That is ridiculous. Unless this friend is not in work, not at uni and is just in bed all day, they are not going to be there 24/7. It's not even just being in that state. They cannot tell when someone or something is amiss, so they cannot get to, say a beverage selling establishment or to a family party, and say to themselves 'Well, I may be needed tonight/today/this morning' and not consume alcohol. Believe it or not, sometimes, the universe does not orbit around you. YET - there is light at the end of the tunnel, ladies and gents, because some friends are well aware of these completely outrageous circumstances and will make the best efforts in order to help one another. So, perhaps this is a more ideal concept. I don't know what I would rather have, a good listener or someone who is always there? Hum. Onward.
3. PROTECTIVE
Really kind of a touchy subject/concept/ideal of a friend. I say this because it only really mostly applies to verbal or 'talking the talk' sort of protection, and there will be no walking at all. Whatso-fucking-ever. 'He hurts you, I'll deck him' Yes, I say that. And I have actually done it before, so I'm not about to sink through the quicksand all that dramatically. But, I think more of a pivotal moment is when shit is actually going on, and you really wish someone would fly in and be like 'STOP - FIEND!' but that has no bloody chance of happening, again. My age has obviously enlightened one-self (I'm only nearly 20, if any of you think I'm some bloody old fart in a camper van...), and with such wisdom comes the knowledge that the only really protective friends you are going to have are going to be guys that somehow care for you (either as a really close friend or bordering on that 'I maybe like you, but really, I don't') or the gay friends. I only really learnt about the latter in the last 8 or so months during my time at university. So, a 'perfect' friend possibly should bear these traits: i. Punching those who insult/hurt/maim/violate you. ii. Verbal/physical abuse to those that perhaps you dislike. iii.Killing those who offend you, and treat you like the Godfather I mean...yeah, general standing up for you.
4. MAKING EFFORT
Some of you (why am I even saying this, no one reads this thing?) are probably thinking 'if they don't make the effort, then surely they're not a friend...?' Damn fucking straight. Oh, excuse me, phone's ringing...why am I excusing myself...But yeah, hang tight for two ticks. Oh no, I have to hang tight for two ticks. So, anyway, typing quickly now as I know this phone is going to start going off soon, making an effort is a fundamental part of being a friend. Sooo, say for example, a friend gets a partner, oooorrr one goes to university, you would expect a friend to make an effort? Fuck hell no. They'll only bother when you need it. Those who do make the effort (as some of you...no, there are none of you...but still going to keep saying it...so, as some of you are probably thinking 'have friends that do make effort during such examples') - HOLD FUCKING TIGHT TO THEM AND DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT LET GO OF THEM. Because they'll end up being the old person sat next to you in the nursing home, chilling and talking to you about the good old days of MSN. Ah, MSN...No, that's for another time. PHONE! Right, that's 15 minutes, hang up. Ok. So, any more to say on this? No...No...(CONSUELA!)
5. CONSIDERATION
In the urban dictionary, 'consideration' is defined as being making love. Well, I don't mean that. I think it's more in terms of understanding the relationship of what comes out of one's mouth and how it will effect those surrounding one's self. I don't really think this is entirely a 'perfect' friend factor, actually, it's more along the lines of just being civilized to be brutally honest. If you don't like something, fuck what most people say, shut up and don't say anything. I think consideration, in terms of a friendship, is more in the sense a particular grasping and understanding of what matters most to those you would like to call 'friends'. It's not exactly a black and white idea, I know, wasn't saying it would ever be clear. But it's fair enough, if someone respects something, respect that they respect that, and if don't respect something, respect the fact that they don't respect that.
I think that I will have to construct more lists and aspects of things, I have quite enjoyed doing this. It's good for my ranting anyway I guess. Now, as always, I leave you with some lyrics.
1. GOOD LISTENER
Always knowing that you can turn to someone when life is raping you up the arse with lemons is always a fair shout, or just someone who understands you and your sort of mental capacity is pretty handy. I mean, there are some of us who if we started talking to some people about the way that we think and tick, people would be calling up the men in white coats and fearing for their lives, so there will always pretty much be someone who can sort of relate to you as much as they really want to. But, just because they are a good listener doesn't mean that they are a shit talker (don't know if that really makes any sense, but seeing as the likelihood of this page going global is about as likely as me being a size 0, I'm not all that fussed). In fact, personal experience would say that those who are good to confide in are flawed in their shit capacity to actually retain information, and just blurt it out to whoever or whatever. We're all guilty of it, obviously. I mean, someone may have mentioned something, you mention it to someone else and then it goes ballistic. It won't be anything major, like 'I've secretly got a penis', it'll be something really trivial and then it turns into some mass murder scene.
(Sorry, slight break, just trying to find this paying-in book, not going all too well...reeeally would quite like to bank this money and get these flights booked...asap)
2. ALWAYS THERE
Well, in some ways this can tie in with numero uno, but I see it in different ways. So, again, we're in the predicament of life being a complete twat, and you know that you can call someone up and they will come to you or (more often in my case) you go to them for comfort. Well, no. That is ridiculous. Unless this friend is not in work, not at uni and is just in bed all day, they are not going to be there 24/7. It's not even just being in that state. They cannot tell when someone or something is amiss, so they cannot get to, say a beverage selling establishment or to a family party, and say to themselves 'Well, I may be needed tonight/today/this morning' and not consume alcohol. Believe it or not, sometimes, the universe does not orbit around you. YET - there is light at the end of the tunnel, ladies and gents, because some friends are well aware of these completely outrageous circumstances and will make the best efforts in order to help one another. So, perhaps this is a more ideal concept. I don't know what I would rather have, a good listener or someone who is always there? Hum. Onward.
3. PROTECTIVE
Really kind of a touchy subject/concept/ideal of a friend. I say this because it only really mostly applies to verbal or 'talking the talk' sort of protection, and there will be no walking at all. Whatso-fucking-ever. 'He hurts you, I'll deck him' Yes, I say that. And I have actually done it before, so I'm not about to sink through the quicksand all that dramatically. But, I think more of a pivotal moment is when shit is actually going on, and you really wish someone would fly in and be like 'STOP - FIEND!' but that has no bloody chance of happening, again. My age has obviously enlightened one-self (I'm only nearly 20, if any of you think I'm some bloody old fart in a camper van...), and with such wisdom comes the knowledge that the only really protective friends you are going to have are going to be guys that somehow care for you (either as a really close friend or bordering on that 'I maybe like you, but really, I don't') or the gay friends. I only really learnt about the latter in the last 8 or so months during my time at university. So, a 'perfect' friend possibly should bear these traits: i. Punching those who insult/hurt/maim/violate you. ii. Verbal/physical abuse to those that perhaps you dislike. iii.
4. MAKING EFFORT
Some of you (why am I even saying this, no one reads this thing?) are probably thinking 'if they don't make the effort, then surely they're not a friend...?' Damn fucking straight. Oh, excuse me, phone's ringing...why am I excusing myself...But yeah, hang tight for two ticks. Oh no, I have to hang tight for two ticks. So, anyway, typing quickly now as I know this phone is going to start going off soon, making an effort is a fundamental part of being a friend. Sooo, say for example, a friend gets a partner, oooorrr one goes to university, you would expect a friend to make an effort? Fuck hell no. They'll only bother when you need it. Those who do make the effort (as some of you...no, there are none of you...but still going to keep saying it...so, as some of you are probably thinking 'have friends that do make effort during such examples') - HOLD FUCKING TIGHT TO THEM AND DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT LET GO OF THEM. Because they'll end up being the old person sat next to you in the nursing home, chilling and talking to you about the good old days of MSN. Ah, MSN...No, that's for another time. PHONE! Right, that's 15 minutes, hang up. Ok. So, any more to say on this? No...No...(CONSUELA!)
5. CONSIDERATION
In the urban dictionary, 'consideration' is defined as being making love. Well, I don't mean that. I think it's more in terms of understanding the relationship of what comes out of one's mouth and how it will effect those surrounding one's self. I don't really think this is entirely a 'perfect' friend factor, actually, it's more along the lines of just being civilized to be brutally honest. If you don't like something, fuck what most people say, shut up and don't say anything. I think consideration, in terms of a friendship, is more in the sense a particular grasping and understanding of what matters most to those you would like to call 'friends'. It's not exactly a black and white idea, I know, wasn't saying it would ever be clear. But it's fair enough, if someone respects something, respect that they respect that, and if don't respect something, respect the fact that they don't respect that.
I think that I will have to construct more lists and aspects of things, I have quite enjoyed doing this. It's good for my ranting anyway I guess. Now, as always, I leave you with some lyrics.
You got me so wild,
How can I ever deny,
You got me so high,
So high I cannot feel the fire.
And you keep telling me,
Telling me that you’ll be sweet,
And you’ll never want to leave my side,
As long as I don’t break these...
Promises, and they still feel all so wasted on myself
You got me so wild,
Why should I be so surprised?
You got me so high,
Don’t you see it in my eyes?
And you keep telling me,
Telling me that you’ll be sweet,
And you’ll never want to leave my side,
As long as I don’t break these...
x x x
Tuesday, 29 May 2012
All is said in a day.
My mood is all over the place :/
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later it's over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later it's over
I just don't wanna miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
x x x
Wednesday, 23 May 2012
Which Way is Wrong - Which Way is Right?
I often have to continuously remind myself of where I am now, where I was and where I am going to be. Maybe it's something to do with me starting to loose my mind due to looking at this revision continuously, but maybe it's also because I'm getting slowly more and more distanced from, what I consider to be, my foundations. University is not, as I have mentioned a million times before (most of those million times are probably in my head, admittedly), not what was sold at 6th form. If you're reading this, and are at the stage of deciding whether or not university is something you want to do - do not, for god's sake, go to your school or head of 6th about it. They literally know fuck all, they are there to just continually sell on the concept of education - which all in all is good, and I agree with this - there are far too many unemployed people in this world today that failed to seize the chance of better opportunities when it was offered to them, or bit the hand that tried to help. Those who bite get ASBOs, and are unfortunately the type of people that the education system has to let down, because education isn't about being spoon fed - it's about making something of yourself.
In previous centuries, education in the Western world was for those standing in prestige and honored houses, wanting to continue their family's legacy or even start their own story. Education was a privilege, and not a right. Nowadays, you get waste of space kids who are just there to disrupt it for the others, there to make things so much more difficult then what it should be. Harsh, you may think, calling these kid's a 'waste of space'. You don't know what they have been through, you say, you don't know about their background, family life etc. Tell you what then. Take example of some of my friends at secondary. Some of them didn't have perfect home-lives, and these days, I think you would be hard-struck to find homes that are perfect. But, these friends of mine succeeded, not because the state patted money into their pockets or because they felt like they had to - they chose to. They decided that education was something that could bring them a new aspect. And good for them.
So, back to my rant about what 6th form lets on about university. They don't tell you that you may not get along with your flat mates, they don't tell you about the petty bitching that you will end up with, regardless of where you live. They won't let on that there are SO many hidden costs to university. They tell you the basics (books, going out, food etc). But, what about when your flat destroys the flat? What about when your keys are stolen and you have to be the one to fork out £30. What about the times when you get lost, you are suddenly alone, because you don't feel safe with the people that you've come out with. It puts you into an even worse situation.
I don't remember my head of 6th battering on about the loneliness either. University can be an incredibly lonely place, regardless of what you think. This isn't me crying out for help - I have enough friends here to do with, but none of them will ever be the people back at home. None of them will ever get you, because simply, you've just met them. They haven't grown up with you, they won't understand your certain way about things. Then there's the pack rule - living in a flat, as I do, with 6 or so other people, there becomes a pack hierarchy. So if someone at the bottom does something out of line, it's all hell as broken loose. If it is someone at the top, it slips by. This is life. But it's life being brought into your space, where perhaps you weren't ready for it just yet.
I guess nor do they tell you of how things will become at home either. They don't tell you that the choices you make at university will hurt other people, change how they act around you, and then you're stuck. You don't want to be the one who has to constantly check up on the others, but you also want to get some respect and recognition from the others.
What can I say that my first university year has taught me?
- Don't go for the best accomodation - all the fun happens in the cheaper ones and the people are SO MUCH nicer and social
- Learn to like your own company - only you can sort your life out, stop relying on the parents or others to help you. It isn't for them to sort out anymore.
- Having an open mind is great - but for godsake, don't change yourself for them. They are not worth it. On the occasion that you do meet people that you know you will probably remain friends what you hope is the rest of your days, show them the real you. Because they will only be shocked when you show it half-way down the line.
You know I'm not one to break promises
I don't want to hurt you but I need to breathe
At the end of it all, you're still my best friend
But there's something inside that I need to release
Which way is right, which way is wrong
How do I say that I need to move on
You know we're headed separate ways
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
There's nothing I can really say
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more
Got to be true to myself
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
So I'll be on my way
You've given me more that I can return
Yet there's oh so much that you deserve
There's nothing to say, nothing to do,
I've nothing to give
I must leave without you
You know we're headed separate ways
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
There's nothing I can really say
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more
Got to be true to myself
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
So I'll be on my way
So I'll be on my way
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
There's nothing that I can really say
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more
Got to be true to myself
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
So I'll be on my way
So I'll be on my way
So I'll be on my way
In previous centuries, education in the Western world was for those standing in prestige and honored houses, wanting to continue their family's legacy or even start their own story. Education was a privilege, and not a right. Nowadays, you get waste of space kids who are just there to disrupt it for the others, there to make things so much more difficult then what it should be. Harsh, you may think, calling these kid's a 'waste of space'. You don't know what they have been through, you say, you don't know about their background, family life etc. Tell you what then. Take example of some of my friends at secondary. Some of them didn't have perfect home-lives, and these days, I think you would be hard-struck to find homes that are perfect. But, these friends of mine succeeded, not because the state patted money into their pockets or because they felt like they had to - they chose to. They decided that education was something that could bring them a new aspect. And good for them.
So, back to my rant about what 6th form lets on about university. They don't tell you that you may not get along with your flat mates, they don't tell you about the petty bitching that you will end up with, regardless of where you live. They won't let on that there are SO many hidden costs to university. They tell you the basics (books, going out, food etc). But, what about when your flat destroys the flat? What about when your keys are stolen and you have to be the one to fork out £30. What about the times when you get lost, you are suddenly alone, because you don't feel safe with the people that you've come out with. It puts you into an even worse situation.
I don't remember my head of 6th battering on about the loneliness either. University can be an incredibly lonely place, regardless of what you think. This isn't me crying out for help - I have enough friends here to do with, but none of them will ever be the people back at home. None of them will ever get you, because simply, you've just met them. They haven't grown up with you, they won't understand your certain way about things. Then there's the pack rule - living in a flat, as I do, with 6 or so other people, there becomes a pack hierarchy. So if someone at the bottom does something out of line, it's all hell as broken loose. If it is someone at the top, it slips by. This is life. But it's life being brought into your space, where perhaps you weren't ready for it just yet.
I guess nor do they tell you of how things will become at home either. They don't tell you that the choices you make at university will hurt other people, change how they act around you, and then you're stuck. You don't want to be the one who has to constantly check up on the others, but you also want to get some respect and recognition from the others.
What can I say that my first university year has taught me?
- Don't go for the best accomodation - all the fun happens in the cheaper ones and the people are SO MUCH nicer and social
- Learn to like your own company - only you can sort your life out, stop relying on the parents or others to help you. It isn't for them to sort out anymore.
- Having an open mind is great - but for godsake, don't change yourself for them. They are not worth it. On the occasion that you do meet people that you know you will probably remain friends what you hope is the rest of your days, show them the real you. Because they will only be shocked when you show it half-way down the line.
You know I'm not one to break promises
I don't want to hurt you but I need to breathe
At the end of it all, you're still my best friend
But there's something inside that I need to release
Which way is right, which way is wrong
How do I say that I need to move on
You know we're headed separate ways
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
There's nothing I can really say
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more
Got to be true to myself
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
So I'll be on my way
You've given me more that I can return
Yet there's oh so much that you deserve
There's nothing to say, nothing to do,
I've nothing to give
I must leave without you
You know we're headed separate ways
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
There's nothing I can really say
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more
Got to be true to myself
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
So I'll be on my way
So I'll be on my way
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
There's nothing that I can really say
I can't lie no more, I can't hide no more
Got to be true to myself
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
So I'll be on my way
So I'll be on my way
So I'll be on my way
Ciao x x x
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